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Especially the one that says she must marry a prince. What you have is a long ass sentence of 29 words: The shorter sentences are punchier, more rhythmic. This is the work of revising.
Everyone writes long ass sentences on that first draft. That cursed prophecy is all anyone can talk about when a prince unexpectedly visits from another realm. Prince George offers political strength, a marriage proposal, and eternal boredom.
And again, look at that last sentence. Unpredictable weather causes devastating damage. A fast-spreading illness affects half the population. Rampaging beasts, dormant for centuries, injure people beyond magical repair. Willow and Finn barely escape from a winged menace near the forest.
Giant claws shred four young men in the mountains.
The waters teem with deadly tentacles. The only melodies floating on the salty air since Prince George arrived are dirges. Unpredictable dangerous weather causes devastating damage. You can cut all of this: Without losing any plot.
People whisper about bad luck and ignored prophecies. Marry the prince and end this, they say. What no one understands is if Willow marries George, a piece of her, the Finn-sized piece, will die. Details like this catch my eye in the query. I really respond to meticulous writing.
A truth that could set everything right, or send Atlantis crashing into the sea.
So, Willow is trying to avoid her destiny, I get that. In other words, she IS going to marry George unless she can figure out a way to save Atlantis. I had to look up this comparison, and it seems pretty apt, but it's also a TV show, and generally you want to use books, not other media forms as comparisons.
I earned my B. I taught 8th grade and 10th grade English classes. Currently, I am raising four readers who borrow a back-breaking number of books from the library, which makes me proud and my chiropractor happy.
This is a lovely bio, with a delightful zing of humor!!! Thank you for your time and consideration.
So, we may have a problem with the book, in that Willow really needs to demonstrate her heroism by agreeing to marry Boring George to save her people. The essence of being the hero is that you Do The Right Thing even when it costs you.
The hero runs IN to the fire, not away from it; toward the gunfire, not away from it. Make sure Willow does this. Then revise the query and resend. I feel like this draft meets your criteria and has the most voice.
My beta readers are split. My objectivity died a horrible death about 53 drafts ago. Is the writing coherent and the voice clear? If a bio is required, should I just keep it to 2 sentences about my former education and teaching experience and stick it right before the closing? Does a boring bio turn agents off?
Let me stop you right there. I never EVER want to hear you refer to yourself as boring because you are a stay-at-home mom.Writing an appeal letter to a bank may take time and effort, but it could be worth hundreds or even thousands of dollars!
If your bank card was stolen, and the bank won’t reimburse the money that was stolen out of my account, then you need to write an appeal letter. There are plenty of ways to make an appeal letter and are some ways of doing it.
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This compensation may impact how and where products appear on this site, including, for example, the order in which they appear on category pages. Usually, such letters are written by the account holders to the Bank Manager seeking information related to their accounts in the Bank.
The reason to write an application to bank manager can be anything like asking for atm card, for loan, or simply it can be for bank statement.